pretty much given up on this.
hit this instead - itoldyoufromthestart.tumblr.com

i need to know you don't want me to change.

i need to know you think i'm perfect.

i think you're perfect.

alright so, i've made a tumblr.
you might think of it as betraying the old and loyal blogspot, but im thinking of it as a different medium as to which i can portray my life :)

the url - itoldyoufromthestart.tumblr.com

woooooooooooooooooo!!! its the weekend!!
mother dearest is ordering my new bed and mattress today!
im so excited.
queen bed, here i come!!

my choice of sleeping rather than being educated today was a poor one, i think.

i'm just so sick of school.
the only subject i do anything in is year twelve hospitality.
then some days i'm energised enough to care about chemistry and studio arts.
most of my maths classes i never even pick up a pen or open my book.
there's no point to youth ministry.
english language requires thinking and analysis, neither of which i can hardly be bothered with at this point in time.



question time -
can someone please enlighten me as to where i can find good layouts?
im so sick of mine!!!
thanking you :)

in english language, probably should be doing some work but oh well :)

i'm looking at speech impediments and how they affect people's lives.
the guy im youtube-ing is jason gray, a recording artist with a stutter.
he says when that he sings 'i don't stutter when i sing, which to me has become a very compelling metaphor for how God works in our lives, when we are willing to give him our broken little mess of a life, he's able to make music out of it, able to make something beautiful out if it'.

i don't personally believe in God, but i like how jason is able to overcome his stutter when he sings, because he does believe in God.



anyways, my soccer team has a night game tonight!
night games are always so much fun.
but it will be a bit cold :(
hopefully we play fairly well and have a chance of winning, albury united is 3rd on the ladder!!!
definitely welcome to come down and watch :)

just remembered!!!!

tomorrow we're starting photography in studio arts, and we're getting assigned cameras!
SOOOOOO EXCITED!!!
yayayayayayayayayay

all of my problems would disappear if i had money.
i'm happy, but i want things.
i don't need money to buy me happiness, i need money to buy me things!!!

i need a job so badly.
okay my bad, i just need money so badly.

lately i've noticed a fact in my life - i've become fairly close with a certain friend of mine, and i'm loving it.
she's a funny girl, and she loves life like no other person i know.
i know i can tell her anything and everything and she understands.
we're on the same page and i love that i've found someone like her to be such good friends with.
i have so much fun with her, but we can still have the best serious talks.
she may make a fool of herself sometimes but she is a smart girl.
i love our cuddle seshes and sleep overs and code names and phone calls.
this fat lesbian makes me pretty damn happy :)

this girl's name is chloe alyse palmer and i love her so so much :)

I HOPE EVERYONE HAS HAD A LOVELY WEEKEND!
AND I HOPE ALL THE MUM'S OUT THERE KNOW THEY'RE APPRECIATED :)

i don't want a big house, i don't want a fancy fast car.
i don't want a billion bucks, or the hottest armcandy.
i want a comfortable cosy place to live, with a way to get from A to B.
i want enough money to pay for rent and food, i want someone who loves me for me.

i don't want all the friends in the world for a day, i want the ones i have now - forever.

i don't want to travel the world to see all the great wonders of the world, i want to explore the streets where i live and breathe.

i don't want to be the smartest with the highest grades, i want to know who i am and what i want and be happy with that.

i know what i want, and im happy with that.

first kisses,
how can you explain.
the touch of his lips, for the first time on hers.
her head goes into a whirlwind of emotion.
different to any other kind she's ever felt before.
better emotion.


13/12/09
<3 + <3

i want my best friend back.

good things come in threes.

1. on tuesday night soccer training, i was asked to play for the senior ladies team.
aka, WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
im so nervous but oh so so excited!
apparently i'm playing up forward or in midfield somewhere, so that means goal-scoring potential!!!
OH MY GOD, GET EXCITED


2. i've decided on what my major piece will consist of.
four photos, the theme 'seperation'.
medium photography, of course.
i'm so excited and inspired at the moment, i just want to grab a camera and go!!

3. tomorrow night i'm having people over, gonna be heaps mad fun!!!
fire, marshmellows, the girls, the shed and drinks.
soooooo good!!



this week has turned out well so far :)

just catching up on all the water i missed out on today because i forgot my drink bottle :)

happy hump day!!

yes, that means its wednesday.
not hump of the pelvic thrusting kind.


i just want to drink so much water i vomit.
not to sound bulimic either, i just feel sick.

i love you a million swedish fish.
i love you a million red m&m's.

carli johnstoneeeeee <3

everything to be perfect.
winter.
money to spend.
to not be lonely.
everyone to get along.
an endless supply of phone credit.
better op shops in albury wodonga.
good marks.
time.
an automatic car to drive on my l's.
a flat stomach.
cold.
a good camera.
someone to hold me.
to never grow old.

most of all, i want to stop wanting so many things.

once again the doorbell rang late at night.
once again she wondered.

matchmaker mcglynn strikes again.


i don't know why, but i have a very deep insight on relationships.
even though i'm the worst possible help when it comes to my own.

a former and now friend again has their eyes set on a person i play soccer with.
we'll call my former and now friend again 'fanfa' and the soccer player 'sp'.
logical isnt it haha.

fanfa is having trouble because he is unsure about his feelings for sp.
i asked fanfa what he wants, this is how it went -

Alex: question, what do you want?
fanfa: to be happy
Alex: nawwww! okay well
fanfa: sorry rephrase to not be bored
Alex: no take backs.
you cant want a girlfriend just cause youre bored!
fanfa: why not?
Alex: its not genuine, in a sense
fanfa: when can i want a gf?
Alex: when you want to be with her
cause you dont want to be without her :)

(i know it sounds cheesy, but i still thinks it's true)
then,

fanfa: wow deep as
Alex: hahaa
that cool though?
fanfa: i think so
Alex:
you've gotta figure it out though
just spend more time with her :)
and let her kiss you first haha
fanfa: well ill be waiting a while for that i think
why should i let her?
and not just dive in?
Alex: well i think that she's had the chance to kiss a boy
and she could be waiting for the right person and she might not be ready
fanfa: pfft come on. that's what i dont understand how can there be a right person, isnt it just a kiss?
Alex: ima let you in on a little secret,
girls
to them their first kiss is one of the biggest things in their life
kinda, its like a milestone
and you always wish for it to be perfect and amazing
and you wait until you find a guy that you think can make it that
fanfa: wow that sounds so fake to me, i must be a guy
Alex: how does it sound fake!!!
its just honest haha
its not the same for every girl
but i reckon sp might be one of those :s
you'll know when she wants to kiss you though,
so when you get the feeling, go slow haha
just to make sure :)
sorry if this is too deep or anything.

that's just a fraction of the conversation.
but 'fanfa' was such a big part of my life and i'm so so so happy to have him back!

wish fanfa and sp lucky :)

imogen heap, i love you.

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

.....

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
(hide and seek)
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit

the dream.
if you build me a treehouse i will love you forever.
i might even let you come over for sleepovers :)





go on, you know you want to!